Bruh, if you think about it the brain named itself

I wear a shirt that says "busineaus" when I go into meetings so everyone will say "oh look at this guy I think he means business"

My mom disconnecting my internet so I don't play video games in a school meeting

What if in 1000 years people dug up Disney World and think we worshipped a mouse

This is me not caring what other people think I should do with my kids

If I got a dollar for every time I thought about you I would start thinking about you

I will be posting telepathically today so if you think of something funny, that was me

What if coincidences are just clues we left for ourselves in an alternate universe?

When your mom says put your smart phone away but you have a dumb one

Can't get flu if you don't have friends