At the beginning of the year I made a resolution to lose 15 pounds only 30 more to go...

Arrive to work 30 minutes early and no one complain, leave work 3 minutes early and everyone loses their mind

Who closes the door when the bus driver gets off?

Chuck Norris reads lips with his eyes closed

When I lose a game of Fortnite

Add raisins to the cookies and everyone loses their minds!

He asked me if I had any skeletons in my closet. I said "Not yet. He's still decomposing!"

Kids curse like sailors in school and no one bats an eye. Kids say a prayer in school and everyone loses their minds.

When you say GG after losing a game. You shall be blessed with anything you desire.

Mention you're female on any online game and everybody loses their mind