You can't play Fortnite. You are not my father!

My grandfather's generation fought in WWII, my dad's generation fought in Vietnam, my generation fought in Iraq and Afghanistan this generation eats tide pods and can't figure out which gender they are

My wife she said she thought she looked fat I told her she had perfect eyesight

Mom says that she got fat because it runs in her family. Well son, nobody runs in her family.

You're not fat you're just easier to see

Why the duck does auto correct think I'm infatuated with ducking ducks?

Luke I hate your father

First of all I did not call you fat. I only agreed with the scale.

I'm not saying you're fat but I took a picture of you last week and it's still printing

I wear diapers for two reasons: number one and number two